I am leaving.
And while I can justify it by shrugging "I didn't make any close friends" or "I didn't make any meaningful connection", I have to admit I am shadowing a part of my life here that I only realized once it was time to say goodbye.
As usual, you realize what you have once you've lost it. So true to myself, this is when I leave that I notice all of the people around me. We are always too busy in everyday life to pay attention and dedicate the time we would like fully to all around us. So we let go of opportunities, saying "not today, surely next time" while we keep feeding the daily machine of routine mindlessly.
So now, I've said goodbye and there's a tiny knot in my heart becoming bigger, as I am left with some parting words. "I was happy to have met you there, really", "Keep going, it'd be a shame you quit journalism", "You have potential, you just need to push it", "I remember what you said about being a flower, needing water and sun", "Let's go out when you come back", "We will miss you plenty", "Just go for it, you're still young"...
I understand words are easy, but I fall for words. I pick them up, carry them close to me and keep making my way through. I don't cry during goodbyes anymore. Now I wait to be in the safe haven of my car when driving back home and I go home with red and tearful eyes.
I am lucky.
Au revoir Calgary for now, and hello the rest of Canada. I am off to see you.